Dairy Queen, why must you taunt me?

You know I love you, but this long-distance relationship is hard. Not having a DQ within driving distance brings me daily heartbreak, but then you go and rub salt in my wounds by flaunting your latest tantalizing Blizzard of the Month all over my television (side note: WHY do they show commercials for places nowhere even remotely near your area? I’m looking at you, Sonic!). For the month of May, Dairy Queen dished out a Confetti Cake Blizzard.

Seriously, kill me.

I was both elated and distraught the second I saw the ad. On the one hand, what an awesome Blizzard flavor! Who doesn’t love birthday cake-flavored goodness? But on the other hand, it dawned on me that I had no travel plans for the month of May, and therefore would probably never get to try the Confetti Cake Blizzard.

Cue the violins.

Dairy Queen, from the way you treat me, I don’t think you realize that I’m your biggest fan. Not having you here in CNY has been rough, but every time I step out of the area, I go ridiculously out of my way to see you. Lord help the poor individual driving the car if we should pass a sign foretelling a Dairy Queen at the next exit.

I guess my point is, how can you hurt someone who loves you so much? Either give me a DQ, or don’t taunt me with your deliciousness. I grew up with you, Dairy Queen, and you’ll always be number one in my heart. But in the words of Jewell, “These foolish games are tearing me apart.”

I had two options: consume a Confetti Cake Blizzard or die. The way I see it, since death was not okay with me, the only thing left to do was make Homemade Confetti Cake Blizzards. This is where I must mention that you should really hire me, Dairy Queen. Because my homemade version of your treat was FREAKIN’ AMAZING.

I’m still getting over it: the super creamy and smooth vanilla soft serve studded with fluffy vanilla cupcakes and sweet frosting. Sweet Jesus, they were good. But how did I achieve soft serve at home? Simple! I just made my favorite vanilla ice cream in the ice cream maker as per usual, but instead of popping it into the freezer to firm up before eating, I served it straight out of the machine while it was still so soft, creamy, and airy. Basically, the stuff that comes straight out of the ice cream maker IS soft serve. Mind blown.

Then, my friends, you simply stir in whole chunks of delicious, soft vanilla cupcakes, and viola! You’ve got the most amazing frozen confection your mouth will ever experience. I can’t compare it to the real thing since I haven’t tried it, but I feel confident saying this is just as good, if not better. In fact, I’ve talked to a few people who tried the real Blizzard and weren’t crazy about it. So maybe I’m better off with my homemade one…

A Few Tips Before You Get Cooking:

1. It’s really not necessary to make homemade cupcakes. As long as you have a decent grocery store, you can get some pretty delicious ones from their bakery.
2. You’re going to have to work fast when the soft serve come out of the ice cream maker. It stays firm pretty long, but if you dilly dally or go crazy mixing in the cupcakes, it will melt. Remember, these are Blizzards, not milkshakes!
3. Sprinkles make everything better!
4. Serve with a red plastic spoon if you really want to feel like you’re at DQ.
5. Got extra? Just store it in an air tight container and pop it in the freezer. You can take it out and let it soften when you’re ready for another or pop it into the blender to speed up the softening process. Or, if you don’t wan to wait at all, eat it as is like Confetti Cake Ice Cream!
6. Freezing the mixing bowl before stirring the ice cream together with the cupcakes keeps the ice cream from melting.

Homemade Confetti Cake Blizzards
Adapted from Cusinart

Yield: about 8 servings

Ingredients:

• 1 cup whole milk
• ¾ cup granulated sugar
• pinch salt
• 2 cups heavy cream
• 1 tablespoon + 2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
• 8 vanilla frosted vanilla cupcakes, chopped into chunks
• sprinkles, for garnish

Special Equipment: ice cream maker

Directions:

1. Make the soft serve base:  In a medium bowl, use a whisk to combine the milk, sugar and salt until the sugar is dissolved. Stir in the heavy cream and vanilla. Cover and refrigerate 1 to 2 hours, or overnight.
2. When ready to make the blizzards, put a large mixing bowl into the freezer to chill. Then pour the ice cream mixture into an ice cream maker and churn according to manufacturer’s directions, about 20 minutes. It should be soft and creamy like soft serve. Immediately remove the chilled bowl from the freezer and pour the ice cream into the bowl. Gently fold in the cupcake chunks, but don’t over mix. Divide between bowls or cups, top with sprinkles, and enjoy immediately. Store extra ice cream in the freezer in an air-tight container for up to two weeks.